In the wake of the Ashley Madison scandal in which roughly 37 million users pursue its slogan, “Life is Short, Have an Affair,” I offer some advice on how to do it. It’s very simple. There are only two rules:
End your marriage or get your spouse’s blessing.
Falling for a friend? Looking for a younger, sexier, richer thang? Want to hook up to your heart’s content? No problem. Just talk to your spouse first.
Damn, Heather. Where’s the fun in that? That totally takes the rush and excitement out of having an affair!
Look. Your spouse deserves your honesty and fidelity. If you can’t give that to him or her anymore, you need to tell him or her and end things. You do not go a website to find ways of actively cheating.
Want to remain married and sleep around? Okay. Talk to your spouse. If you’re both looking to spice things up, maybe you’ll decide to try having an open relationship. It works for some.
Here’s what doesn’t work: cheating and lying about it. Yes, it’s hard to have a conversation about why your marriage isn’t working. But you know what’s harder? Being cheated on.
I fell in love for the first time in my early 20s. Somewhere around the two-year mark, I found out my then live-in girlfriend was cheating on me. Folks, let me tell you, there are few things in life that hurt as much. And we weren’t even married. No vows before God or family, just empty promises.
That was in the days before social media. Imagine the extra pain heaped onto an already incredibly hurtful experience because your spouse’s affair made headlines. Wow.
You say you love your spouse and don’t want to hurt him or her by revealing you’re unsatisfied? Grow a pair. Put on your big girl panties. You’re married. You voluntarily vowed to work together to traverse that path. Demonstrate your love by initiating some hard conversations. You never know where it will lead. It may turn things around in your marriage. Yet if it leaves you divorced, now can go after that friend or thang and know you had the integrity to do right by the person you claim to love.